Tag Archives: Poem

Why?

b1_edited

Why is it that the thought of you can still sting…

can instantly bring tears to my eyes…

can make me miss you like you were here just yesterday?

Why do you invade my dreams…

looking peaceful and glowing in the glory of the heavens…

That smirk on your face, I read your mind… “I am finally free baby girl.”

How can I be thrown into the past,

remember those eyes, those tears…

watching you crumble before me…a lost soul.

Why couldn’t I save you?

Why couldn’t my love protect you?

Why do I smell your cologne, hear your voice?

Why can’t I just forget and let go?

Why do I see you in “them”…

Why did I destroy the fruit of our love?

Why was “I” there that horrible night?

How do you still have this hold,

Was what your cousin said true…

that my heart was buried with you.

So many questions… so few answers…

Why?

©bipolarmuse 2012

**I wrote this well over a year ago, almost a year and a half… those who follow along with my blog will know the inspiration… I always feel that everything I write goes here in this blog, so even though I wrote this in the beginning of 2012, I feel compelled to put it up here.**

Suicide is so devastating to those left behind… yet, I understand the need to go, the horrible pain that brings one to this choice.

If you are suicidal, please ask for help.

The Dreaded Day

sadness

With a heavy heart… today is the day they depart.

I hurt.

My chest aches.

My eyes water.

I write this with tears flowing.

I know I will see them again…

Just not sure when.

I wish they could have stayed.

Another twist in life…

I will survive… even with

this pain.

I have many more tears.

My heart hurts.

I Will Wait For You

 

 

babiesBlueBonnets

 

I Will Wait For You

Nothing on this earth prepared me for the love, that as a mother, I have for my children. Nothing compares to it… nothing can hold a candle to this love. They may not be with me physically, but they are always with me in in mind, heart, and soul.

I will wait. However long it takes to have them at my side without losing out on more of their lives… I will wait.

For sharing dreams and wishing on stars… I will wait.

For now, I love, watch, listen, stare, care, hurt, and cry… I learn… I give pieces of myself to make them whole.

My day will come… so I will wait.

Yesterdays Poem…

Yesterday I wrote a poem titled “Your Tears“. Now, when I wrote it, I had a concept in mind… and I was very tired from some serious lack of sleep. So as I was re-reading what I wrote, I realized I had many incoherent sentences and misspellings… etc. My lack of sleep (literally had about 2-3 hours), combined with my psych meds was evident. So this morning I took the few minutes it needed to fix it.

So, my apologies for the horrible writing I put forth yesterday. It is fixed. 🙂

Your Tears

loveMadeOfTears

Your tears hold me captive…

no amount of struggle to be set free.

Your tears make me break…

Is wholeness ever to be?

~

In the night, you roll onto your  side…

tears sharp as they flow down your face.

You grab my arm as I roll to my side to hold you…

Your sobs uncontrollable, in rhythm, in pace.

~

My arm wrapped around you…

ssshhhhh my Love , take refuge in sleep

I lie there the whole  night,

My arms around you, feeling your heart beat.

~

His sorrow painful, he says “I just want  you.”

I hold tight and whisper into your heart and soul…

“no one can ever replace my love, I love you forever”….

Like a sinking ship, I go down. Forever I have you to hold.

©bipolarmuse 2013

Stand Up

getUp

Fall down seven times, stand up eight. – Chinese proverb

It is very easy to become discouraged when mistakes are made. Sometimes we forget that we must learn from our wrong doings to prevent ourselves from making the same mistake twice.

Mistakes hurt… and often times, they hurt others as well…

What must be done when we stumble and fall down? WE GET BACK UP.

No matter how hard the fall, no matter the pain and sorrow, when you make a mistake, stumble and fall, do everything within your power to get back up again.

And one other important detail… never be afraid to ask for help.

Birthday Love

 

My birthday just recently passed… and my love made sure that he covered all bases. He got me a rocken gift, a MAC makeup paller… and a beautiful card that begins with “For the love of my life”. What I loved what was he wrote inside… his love very evident and beautiful. AND… he put a 21 candle on my cake as apposed to my real age, can he get any better? Certainly not. He is amazing and I love him through and through.

What HE wrote in the card: I love you my sweet beautiful baby! I have enjoyed getting to know you and follow the woman you were to the woman you are and to the woman you will become. I am happy to be a part of it.

What the card said: For the love of my life from the man who adores you. Thank you for being the love of my life, the wonderful one I adore, the person who shares all my dreams and desires, my plans, my adventures and more. Thank you for being my very best friend, my comforter when things go wrong, the one who encourages, cheers me, believes in me, changes my “weak” to my “strong.” Thank you for being my partner in life and for filling my heart with such pride- I feel like the happiest man in the world with the woman I love by my side.

Need I say more…

My Oh My… And A Silly Haiku

 

 

It has been a terribly long time since I have been on here so I thought it was damn time I pulled my head out of you know where and write an update… or at least something!

 

I promise I have been more productive nose-picker-300x211

than hanging out picking my nose… PINKY PROMISE.

 

I am still in love.

I am still on meds.

My children are all doing amazing!

I have really missed getting on here, sipping coffee… spitting coffee all over myself from Bring Me The Head Of David Dixon, and other fun blogs… and writing. It has been too long my friends.

Now that my head is in a place where I can see more clearly, I shall be back to writing. And if I have nothing to say, I will find something funny or inspiring to share with you… cause that is how I roll.

I have missed you all and look forward to reading your shiz…

silly Haiku

many days gone by

pulled my head out of my arse

more of you I see

© bipolarmuse 2013

Free And Whole

angel

Holding on to grains of sand,

unable to contain them all…

Every word spoken,

razorblades slip and fall.

~

I no longer look back,

the ache no longer fierce …

No longer looking for whats not there,

He has kissed away my tears.

~

Where I once had pain,

I now feel free and whole…

He makes my world brilliant,

My heart he graciously stole.

© bipolarmuse 2012

 

It Won’t Be Long

AMAZING

It is that time again…  the time I start getting antsy to see my babies.

Never fails… how much I miss them, adore them…

Heart aching until that moment in the near future

When I will see them again.

This cycle never fails…no matter how happy I am…

After a couple months from my last visit, I become loopy…

nutty… tearful… yet fortunately, sadness is not visiting me.

He keeps the sadness at bay…  keeps my head above water…

Reminds me of how wonderful the moment is.

The battle is to be fought, yet only in my head.

It won’t be long sweet babies… it won’t be long…

Please, always remember me.. ♥

© bipolarmuse 2012

Are You In My World??

Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are proven to improve our lives. 80% of our thoughts are negative. Therefore, using these positive affirmations will help to rewire your brain so that the negativity begins to diminish. Is it a cure all? No. But it most certainly helps to bring positivity into your life.

My affirmation for today is:

“I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.”

How many of us truly feel love, joy, and freedom when we are stuck in our past wallowing in our misfortunes?

By putting your affirmations all around you, you can look at them as you please. I use to write on my bathroom mirror to offer me some positivity..and I also wrote them down on index cards and pulled them out to read them each day. It was a great opportunity to bring me into a better mindset.

Nothing happens over night my friends… those who are *normal” so-to-speak, and those with mood disorders  would benefit from positive affirmations.

Who wants their thoughts to be negative 80%? Certainly not me!

Thirsting For You

s

I cannot count the ways

in which I love you…

nor in the ways I was meant for you.

I am yours forever…

Always meant to be yours.

I know it in my bones…

by this raging fire within my body,

that screams to be quenched by you…

yet it doesn’t dull, it never falters,

The fire keeps raging and getting hotter…I always thirst for you.

You accept me…

I will never leave.

You are my best friend.

My heart would break if I lost you…

shatter into pieces…

Shards invisible…

 invisible to the naked eye…

 never to  be put back together again.

In awe, please catch me

staring at you.

You forever love me without

Judgment.

I am yours and only yours…

Forever.

© bipolarmuse 2012

*This is a blckout poem taking from one of the emails I sent to my love… it is simple and sweet.

Its Not Often…

It’s not often that I think of you…

I don’t like the vomit in the back of my throat…

Nor the acid burning me from the inside out.

 Hate flowing through my veins, choking on smoke.

I erase you out of my memory…

You do not deserve to be held there.

My anger, rage, my hatred… grows

The evil things dance about, without a care.

If I were to see you tomorrow…

You would be better off to turn and run…

Pray to the Gods, for it will be your last chance…

I will assist you to your funeral, it would be fun.

© Bipolarmuse 2012

** Some days I am able to keep the asshole who abused my son out of my mind… yet once in a while he pops into my head and it brings back so many raw emotions. My hatred grows every time I think of the abuse my youngest son had to endure at this disgusting persons hands. Writing helps me to heal… I just hope my son can heal as well.**