Tag Archives: Music

“…keep ajar the door that leads into madness…”~ Christopher Morley

morleyquote

I have made posts before where I mention the connection between “madness” being hand in hand with mood disorders, and artistic talents.

Granted, not everyone who is Bipolar has talents like that… many cannot hold a tune when it comes to singing, cannot play musical instruments, cannot write music or poetry… I am sure you get my point here.

In my case, I was lucky enough to have talent when it comes to singing and writing. I do not have an amazing voice, but I can hold a tune. I also loved music… passionately!! I would spend hours upon hours memorizing songs to sing… singing into my Karaoke machine… writing new songs… I was a total homebody, often in my own fantasy world, writing music and songs hour after hour, day after day. It was my happy place.

I tend to write more when I am mentally ‘unwell’. I am not sure why that happens to be the case, but it is. I can totally see the pattern. My ‘muses’ tend to be in a love affair with my ‘madness’. Am I out of my mind, in a corner, drooling on myself?? Or in 4 day old clothes, standing on a busy corner, screaming to anyone who looks at me about Gods love, and the imminent ‘end of the world’? No. Fortunately, that is not my “type” of madness.

Mine is subtle. Mine can be mute. Mine can be woven intricately with my core beliefs, my personal reality. Taunting me. Causing me to question my most personal thoughts, tainting my positivity with some sort of doubt. My madness plays a psychological chess mind fuck with ‘me’. But I am privy to its ways. I am not always in control of it, but I am Master over it, and I will always win… no matter the war it inflicts upon me, no matter what it does to TRY and destroy me… it won’t. It cannot.

I will ALWAYS win. ♥

©bipolarmuse 2015

Safe and Sound

This song is so stuck in my head!! It has been playing in my mind for about a week now!

Safe and Sound

When I was first diagnosed with mental disorders I thought “ok, I can do this. I have been living this way as long as I can remember”…. then the stigma of it hit me like a tidal wave and I had to pretend that all was ok. I was told everything from “meds make you a zombie”, I “feel like I have lost my sister” (told to me by my younger sister because the meds dulled me down), “you don’t look sick, it is all in your mind”, “Pull out of it like the rest of us do”, “the doctors are just telling you something is wrong so you go back and they make money off of you”… etc. I am sure that those of you with mood/mental disorders have heard these lines or something similar.

It wasn’t until my last breakdown that I realized I would always…. ALWAYS…. need medication and therapy. My disorder ran rampant for so many years that it got worse and worse over time.

Now that I am in a better place emotionally, I see things differently. I finally smell fresh cut grass, rain on the hot pavement, flowers, bbq’s, and more. In the throes of depression, all of these things were muted for me. I have written about it before but I will write about it again soon.

Now, in this place I reside within my mind… though not perfect… I know that I will be safe and sound… I have taken extreme measures to get to this point.

When you are struggling and think you cannot go another day… hold on with all of your strength… and come here, or to Bipolarmuse’s facebook page  to see that someone has made it against all odds, and you can too.

Keep breathing. Practice mindfulness. Be gentle to yourself.

A Song That Defined The 90’s For You??

On the radio they were talking about these “lists” that come out, of songs, that “represent” the time frame… like the 90’s for example, and all the songs listed were NOT the song that defined the 90’s for me. The only song that stands out like a sore thumb, that would be indicative of  that time, again… for me… well, may not be the song you remember most… however, you would have to agree that this band was huge in the mid 90’s and remain to be a staple today. At least for people like me. LOL.

So what song has 90’s stamped on it for me?? No Doubts Just A Girl….

I sooooooo rocked this song…

I Will Wait For You

 

 

babiesBlueBonnets

 

I Will Wait For You

Nothing on this earth prepared me for the love, that as a mother, I have for my children. Nothing compares to it… nothing can hold a candle to this love. They may not be with me physically, but they are always with me in in mind, heart, and soul.

I will wait. However long it takes to have them at my side without losing out on more of their lives… I will wait.

For sharing dreams and wishing on stars… I will wait.

For now, I love, watch, listen, stare, care, hurt, and cry… I learn… I give pieces of myself to make them whole.

My day will come… so I will wait.

Blue Jeans

Blue jeans, white shirt,

walked into the room

you know you made my eyes burn.

It was like James Dean,

f or sure.

Your so fresh to death and

sick as ca-cancer.

You were sort of punk rock

I grew up on hip hop,

you fit me better than my favorite sweater.

And I know… that love is mean,

love hurts.

But I still remember that day

we met in December.

Oh Baby,

I will love you

till the end of time,

I would wait a million years…

Promise you will remember you are mine.

LOVE THIS SONG…