Tag Archives: Manic/ Mania

Another Twist In Life



I recently went on a trip to visit my little ones… it was beautiful and so natural to be with them. As their Mom, I feel like there is always a part of me missing, I am always missing out on something.

I get “I miss you’s, I love you’s, I will see you soon.”

I miss tucking them to bed at night, good morning kisses, hearing “that’s my Mom” when they are at a school play and find where I am standing to watch them. I miss knowing their favorite foods, missing teeth, meeting their teachers. I miss out on every aspect of their life except for the few minutes I get to talk to them… and the visits that keep me sane. 

While I was there, I got some very sad news… they are moving to Germany for three years.

Yes… Germany.

I cried instantly and have been very tearful ever since… trying to fight off the complete breakdown. I need to be strong… I will be.

While I know everything will work out, I am afraid that them moving so far is going to do something to my mental health. I can feel it. I love my children so  much, and while I want them to experience another country, I feel as though they need to experience me more… I feel like I am in the dark without them… and I KNOW that they need me as well. That being said, I could not, nor would not stand in the way of their move. I love them and want all the best for them… I want them to see life and live it… I want them to enjoy living in another culture.  I want them to truly live.

I guess what I do not want is for them to forget about me… 

I wish they could stay.

“Please remember me.”

Withdrawal Day Two

Yesterday was actually day 2 but I wasn’t able to get on here to update.

So far, the withdrawals have been minimal. However, I have done this before and my body gets the worst of it withing 4 days.

I am still experiencing  hot flashes and my skin feels like it is on fire. I know the sickness will probably rear it’s ugly tomorrow and I will be living off of hot baths, immodiom ad, and a racing mind. My body will ache and I will be highly sensitive to pain. And the worst part will be keeping my mind off of the fact I need the meds. The thoughts will be all consuming.

So far, so good… but I will keep you posted.

Withdrawals…. Day One

Please read this post about a new Doc lowering the dosages of my meds to better understand this post…read it HERE.


So day one of withdrawals has hit me. It started with having the sweats yesterday, the inability to sleep the last two nights, and now I can add muscle pain to the mix. Of course, other problems are arising but I will refrain from mentioning them until they become overly bothersome.

The worst part is that the pills are on my mind nonstop… they are always on the forefront of my mind though there is nothing that can be done about my medication situation.

Graciously, I have found some organizations to help those in this predicament and I fully intend to get the ball rolling with services with them this upcoming week.

Until then, I will chronicle my experience with you.

Sit back, relax, and taking a magic carpet ride with me.

Doctor Playing Russian Roulette

I am majorly peeved over my last Doc appointment and I could choke him out.

Unfortunately, I do not have health insurance and am a self pay patient… this causes alot of financial distress as you can imagine because I must pay a small fortune each month for Doctor visits and the meds prescribed.

Well, recently, my family Doc retired and  I found myself in a predicament of sorts and needed to find a new Doc. Since I pay out of pocket, I only see a regular Physician to refill my Psych and pain meds. I decided on a new Doctor, and to my dismay, he has taken the liberty of lowering the dosages of all my medications simply because they are too high in his opinion and he feels I should not be on the dosage amounts prescribed to me by my previous specialists.

I was floored to say the least, but because I could not afford another visit, I was at his mercy.

So. Next month I am off to, yet again, look for a new Doctor who will listen and not try to turn my world upside down.

Not only will I be going through some sort of withdrawal for the Psych meds, but also for my pain medication prescribed to me by a specialist.

I am beyond frustrated and plan to never return to this Doc again.

I am already feeling the affects and having withdrawal symptoms… I will keep you posted.

Alpha-Stim Cranial Electrotherapy


I heard about this fascinating treatment through my man. He is a combat veteran, fought to protect us after 9/11, and now receives therapy for PTSD. Being a veteran, they offer the Alpha-Stim Cranial Electrotherapy as a form of treatment for pain, anxiety, depression and sleep disorders. It uses Cranial electrotherapy stimulation (CES), (also known as “electrosleep”, “transcranial electrotherapy” and by many other names), involves a form of treatment that sends low intensity microcurrent (under 1 milliampere) to the brain.

“In some cases, effects have been stable and permanent, suggesting that the electrical and chemical changes evoked by Alpha-Stim® technology have led to a durable re-tuning back to normal function.”Aplha-Stim

There are some studies out there on the topic and some look to be promising. Please google this and learn more about it. I personally would give it a try to see if it would improve any of my Bipolar symptoms… and my sleep. Anything is nearly worth a shot, especially if it could replace the use of medications.

The Importance Of Meds

I couldn’t sleep last night and I just laid there, tossing and turning, my mind running at 500mph. When it was time to get up, I was relieved that I didn’t have to lay there any longer.

My mind was RACING. Crazy thoughts with no order or rhythm… just complete randomness. It was torture. My brain felt like it was firing off in a million different directions.

I decided to take a morning nap and it was more of the same… a restless mind… running and running.

I kept trying to find the “trigger” to this insomnia and racing thoughts, but was coming up empty handed. Then I went into the bathroom and it dawned on me that I had missed my medicine two days in a row. Yikes! No wonder my brain was in overdrive… the meds that I take to prevent mania were no longer in my system.

I took the medicine instantly and started having relief within the half hour.

Meds are important. Note to self…

Recovery From Manic Depression ~ Patty Duke Quote

My recovery from manic depression has been an evolution, not a sudden miracle. – PATTY DUKE


When we suffer from mood disorders such as manic depression (aka Bipolar disorder) we want instant results from the hell in our brains. We want it NOW because the hell we live in is brutal to mind and body. Not to mention the high risk of suicide, but also the damage it does to us physically. We are at higher risks for many health ailments (high blood pressure being one), and have a shortened life span.

“Heart disease was the leading cause of death for each group.  After statistical adjustments were made for gender, race, education and marital  status, the greatest differences in cause of death between the two groups were seen in suicide, cancer, accidents, liver disease, and septicemia.” Psych Central

 In recent studies, those with chronic mental health issues (like Bipolar, Schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety) have reduced life span by approximately 6 years, permitting that the individual doesn’t take their own life.

Everything takes time whether  it is healing from physical pain, emotional pain, or practicing coping skills. It certainly does not happen over night.

So keep up the good fight my friends, and know that this life is like an adventure… it will take time to recover from Bipolar disorder, but it is worth the ride when you come out of the darkness.