Category Archives: Uncategorized

Contacting the Muse

On my “contact me” page, I had listed a new email address and I fixed the “form” on the page. So now, no doubt, the messages sent via the form do go straight into my personal inbox.

I also found a few messages sent to my old email, very old messages, so if you sent me one, I will try to write you from my new email address.

Have a great hump day, woot woot!

2015 Out Of The Darkness

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/a64/30342427/files/2014/12/img_1994-0.jpg

This next year will be a great year, and I look forward to the walk for suicide prevention and education.

Out Of The Darkness walks are coordinated in different cities and college campus’s across the nation. It is the opportunity to bring awareness to mental health disorders. To educate. To remember those lost.

You can register as an individual, or, and what I would like to do, you can join or start a team. I am considering registering as bipolarmuse and recruiting team members to share this experience with me. Wouldn’t that rock?! In order to do that, I would need ten team members. Each team member would need to collect 150$ in donations to get a free T-shirt… And if we get 1000$ in donations collectively, our team name will be printed on our T-shirts. Hmmmm… I believe I understood and explained that correctly, and if not, I will certainly make an update with the correct info.

Will you be planing to participate in your local area??

Anyone in the Henderson/Las Vegas area who wants to participate? Be sure to let me know if you are interested, I would be honored to walk with you!

❤️muse

Disgusting Mankind

Recently I saw a picture on face book with a story of how the young girl, at the age of five, was the youngest mother in our history. Of course I thought that it was a hoax and looked it up online to confirm that it was. What I found was highly disturbing and absolutely wrong and disgusting.

The story was true. This particular young girl had started her menses at the age of three… she also had breasts that formed just as they would when going through puberty. There is a picture of her online, pregnant at age five, and thought I would put it here with this post but then decided against it. It is horrific to me that people in this world think that it is ok to have sexual contact with a child. And even worse, there are MANY cases of young girls, starting at about 5 on up, who had conceived a child and given birth.

I am just sick to my stomach. Many of them never started puberty that young, and even if they did, that is not permission to touch a child sexually. Most of these young girls were raped by fathers, uncles, and so on. One was being prostituted out by her parents!!

It makes me sick that people think it is ok to do this…. to steal the innocence of these poor children…. to abuse them in any way.

Society is depraved… they are morally bankrupt.

I look at my five year old daughter and know without a doubt that I would kill someone if they touched her this way.

It seems that people, as a whole, are disgusting… I am so distraught over this. I really am in need of good stories of human kindness… something to counteract this horrific, tragic, disgusting truth I have come across.

Happy Anniversary To Us!

anniversaryEli!

On August 10, my man and I celebrated our one year anniversary. We totally rocked it! 

(pssst… don’t mind the horrible hair in this picture… we were 24 hours into our celebration…lol… without stopping.)

Our day started like any other… a little wonderful morning lovin’… hugs, smooches, I love you’s, and happy anniversary to us! It is hard to imagine that I met him only a year ago, because not a day goes by where I feel like I am just learning who this man is… I feel like I have loved him my whole life… and have known him forever.

We decided to start by having breakfast at an old school tiny casino in the heart of Henderson. A little place I have been going to since I was a toddler, lol, literally. We put our name in and decided, “what the hell”, lets have a cocktail while we wait to be called to eat. It is our anniversary and we will party it up how we so choose. We did a cheers… to us… had a drink and then went and devoured our food.

As we were leaving, I noticed how much the bar had filled up. There were people lined up, one after another, gambling and drinking. I glanced at the arm of one man and was caught by surprise, the tattoos were unmistakable… could it be my cousin I had been looking for?? I looked at his profile and sure enough, it was my cousin I had lost contact with for the last two-three years. I asked my man if we could stay and have a couple drinks with him so we could catch up. Of course, my wonderful man pulled the chair out for me to sit on and he sat in the next. We bullshitted with my cousin for a few drinks, exchanged phone numbers, and then me and my man headed out the door … needless to say, it was on like donkey kong!

We stayed up and out…. partying like rock stars. Mind you, we started our celebration at about 9am on Saturday and didn’t stop until 2pm on Sunday. Then it was off to bed for us. LOL, we are STILL wore out!!

Happy anniversary to us! May we have many more years to come… happy in love.

And may we heed the lesson learned… we are NOT 22 anymore and cannot pull all nighters anymore. LOL

Like What Dreams May Come

what dreams  may come

As I lay in bed with my beautiful babies while they are visiting here… my youngest son cuddles me while my youngest daughter lays on her side holding my hand.

*Mommy, why do we have to die?

~Well, sweetheart, we all are born and then at some point we all have to die. We only get to live once.

* Only one time Mommy? (Tears come to her eyes.) But Mommy, I don’t want to die and I don’t want you to ever die.

~ (Tears start streaming to the right down my cheek) Well hopefully Mommy dies long before you as a really old lady so I have every moment possible with you.

* But Mommy, if I die first, how do I find you??

At this, I could barely keep my composure. But like in “What Dream May Come”, I responded…

~ I promise no matter what, I will search heaven and hell until I find you. And hopefully, I die first and Mommy will be waiting for you so you won’t need to find me.

~ I love you baby girl, lets not worry about these sad things, lets be happy in this moment.

* Ok, I love you too Mommy.

Stupid Stupid Life. Why does my baby have to be anxious at five years of age of such hard painful facts?? Am I even able to keep a promise like that? I hope so.

An Act Of Kindness

“Remember, there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” ~ Scott Adams

AmberPhantomButterfly

Picture found on Milky way Scientists Facebook

I was, very recently, touched by a wonderful, kind hearted woman. She felt compelled to give me a gift, and it set into motion a ripple of many good things for me and my children. Her gift came at just the perfect moment… and it literally permeated into many areas of my life… areas where, without her kindness, certain things would not have been possible.

Remember, acts of kindness can travel far… and are such a blessing.

Practice kindness in any way that you can… whether it be a smile, or something bigger… it does not go unnoticed.

Create those positive ripples. ♥

Fires At Mt. Charleston, NV

Here in Vegas, we have been watching the fires consume Mt. Charleston day and night. It is so sad to watch and know that homes are being lost, nature destroyed, and that it will take a long time before the mountain returns to its previous self.

Here are a few images I found on Google images…

MtFire3

MtFire2

Though I did not take this picture, (I found it on Google images) this is my view of the valley from where I live.

Nevada Wildfires

This night view is tragically beautiful.  😦

So Here I Sit

1017186_10200922291492500_616715064_n

Yesterday was July first… significant to me because it was the day that I had to fly my two little ones home to Texas for final preparations before their move to Germany with their Dad. Two hours ago, I traded them off to their Dad, and now I sit at the airport (an overnight stay on an uncomfortable bench) waiting to board my flight right back home. We reached our destination at midnight, and I board my next flight shortly after 5am.

Does this blow a big one?? Hell yes it does. Happily, the kiddo’s were so excited to see their Dad that I was able to help keep their happiness levels on nice even ground. I assured them that we will ‘skype’ and do ‘facetime’ VERY soon so we can see each other as we talk. They seemed to really like that idea which makes me ecstatic! I will NEED to see them and talk to them while they are away. It seems like they grow like weeds and I am unable to keep track and record all of their babyhood and childhood growing adventures.

Having them here with me for the month was beautiful and absolutely amazing. I literally enjoyed every moment from doing things with a couple friends to just relaxing at home with them. We watched Netflix, drank chocolate milk, ate cereal, and drank Gatorade…. ate chips, noodles, snacks… you get my drift.

I slept in their room every night, (and I certainly enjoyed that very much), and took turns cuddling them. I listened to their breathing become more rhythmic, and took delight in staring at their beautiful features under the moon light.

I loved every moment given to me.

And I look forward to more.

Right now, I focus on staying healthy… and will work ever so diligently on that.

I will always strive to be the best Mom I can be… and I will practice being more and more of what they need.

Because when it comes down to it… isn’t it all about making them happy?? Creating moments for them to remember forever?? Watching them grow in happiness, health, and always have that beam of sunlight shine upon me from the happiness in the hearts??

That is where my love is. It is not selfish… it is not spiteful… it is not hurtful.

It is holding hands, little kisses, unspoken moments, and sadness turned into happiness.

And so now, I sit in this airport… so silent. I hold onto the smiles and hugs and kisses… I hold onto the “I love you’s”… I hold onto the fact that they will experience a life I could not have given them. I hold onto the hope that they will one day understand my selflessness was born of love for them… My selfish mind and heart wants to fight tooth and nail to have them in my custody at all times, but that is not what is best for the kids…

And so I hold on.

This Past Month…

 

babiesPool

This past month I have been blessed by having my little ones here with me! I have had all of my children here and have been enjoying them immensely. My oldest daughter has really been a wonderful big sis and takes the little ones here and there to take them for ice cream, happy meals, swimming, and sleep overs… lol… they have loved it!

If you have followed along, you remember that my little ones are moving to Germany later next month, (Another Twist In Life), and will be gone for the next three years. This absolutely breaks my heart. I do know that this will be a wonderful opportunity for them, and I am reminding myself constantly of the positives for the little ones, myself and my older children (i.e. Future trips to Germany and seeing other countries we would not otherwise see).

On Monday, July first, I fly my little ones home to Texas and then board a returning flight home  just six hours after handing them back over into their Dads care. The tears are already coming to me and I am preparing for the swing that will no doubt hit me.

In the meantime, we are enjoying every second of our “summer” together. I cannot begin to explain how truly wonderful it has been  to have them home here with me. All the cuddles, kisses, moments of braiding my little girls pigtails to talking with my youngest son about why Pluto is no longer considered a planet. Every moment is accounted for in my mind. I want to memorize the feel of their hugs… the sweet “I love you’s” uttered… I want every moment etched into my heart.

As I should have, I spoke to my doctor about the difficulty of letting them go. She reminded me that being mentally healthy is the best gift I can give them, and that one day, they will know and understand the depth of my love and selfless acts on their behalf.

I am building an action plan for the difficulties that will arise with this move… and I will happily share that plan…. not today, but soon.

I have 3 days left with them… here’s to making every second count.

Ah Snap. Daft Punk. Pharrell Williams. Get Lucky. Lets Dance!

Pharrell takes it back! I use to love this dude… circa ’02, ’03.

He rocks this… makes (even) me want to to get up and move (anyone who has seen that KNOWS what a feat that is).

We’re up all night to get lucky~