About

I began writing when I was 11yrs old. Mostly poems at that time, about my life experiences and the depression that enveloped me at that tender age.

My life growing up was far from easy and I became an adult long before I should have.

Everyone has a story, some good, some bad, and some downright horrible.

Mine is somewhere in the middle.

I have suffered from depression as far back as I can remember, but the defining point came when I realized I was a separate entity from my parents.

As I have grown older my life has taken many twists and turns, of which I never wanted.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”. ~ John Lennon

A series of life events- abuse by strangers, an unstable childhood, divorce, not having custody of my children, suicide of an ex-boyfriend, and my youngest son being physically abused by a despicable man- these are just a few things that helped to mold my mental health.

I suffer from Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Anxiety.

All brutal and life altering.

I wanted to do a different type of “journal” by opening a blog to get my story out of my head, and help the healing process. And, of coarse, to write poetry.

If you enjoy my writing, Thank You. I appreciate it very much and hope you keep coming back as I add more pieces of my life.

Bipolar Information

Borderline Personality Disorder

General Anxiety Disorder

Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been very helpful for many of those suffering from mood disorders.

Education is the key.

180 thoughts on “About”

    1. I’m not familiar with the seven “x” seven link award nomination. I did go to your link to read about it. Could you explain it to me at bipolarmuse@gmail.com? Lol, sorry for my confusion… 🙂 sometimes the simple things are most difficult for me to grasp…lol. And thank you for the nomination!!

      Like

  1. Muse! Thank you for visiting my site and sticking around. Your blog is lovely–the poetry and ponderings. The images are especially gorgeous–very intimate and eerie. I love them.
    I agree with you–humor is the best way to hold all our marbles together. Blessings.

    Like

    1. Thank you Sandy Sue for stopping by my blog as well… and thank you for the compliments!
      I find your blog intriguing, and it flows so well I can’t take my eyes off of it.
      I love to read of others who also suffer with these mood disorders…it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Such similarities, yet so different are the stories of our lives. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

      Like

  2. you may not know this, but every now and then i’ll read your posts on whatever website you’re writing on. your poems usually bring tears to my eyes…remembering all you’ve gone through and knowing how much you love your kids because i love mine just as much. i was going through the pictures on my cell phone last night with my son and up pops the picture of E in the jammies we sent him while the guys were in kuwait. it brought back fond memories of you and your family.

    no matter how crazy you think you are, i’ve always thought you were a great mom and a great friend to me. i miss getting to see you at the shop bbq’s.

    i hope life brings more happiness to you than you know what to do with. take care…L.

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    1. Awe, L. Thank you. Your kind words mean so very much to me. I miss you…we did have a good friendship. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I had just leaned on you more and built our friendship… to have a true friend in a foreign place. Maybe I wouldn’t be where I am right now.
      I think E still has those Jammies! It was so cool of you to send that package. 🙂 I go see the babies in 3 weeks… a much needed trip.
      Thank you for making me smile today, and cry a little. Good tears though. Keep in touch, and I will do the same. xoxo

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  3. I am so inspired by your writing and your story. I have seen much of the same ugly side of life. I have noticed that it seems to be a trend among those with mood disorders. Perhaps, there is a special vulnerability.

    I started writing at a very early age too. Unfortunately, I abandoned poetry over a decade ago at this point. When I do write, it’s usually in prose. That’s few and far in between anymore. However, your blog is so beautiful that I think I might give it another try. Thank you for being my muse.

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    1. Your beautiful words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so very much for the encouragement and amazing compliment.
      These mood disorders are brutal… sometimes the best way to cope is to just throw it all out there, and for me, that is through poetry. I too abandoned it for a while, or would write here and there. After I destroyed my life for a 2nd time, I kept at it and have accelerated to quite a pace. LOL.
      Reconnect with poetry if it feels right, it may be the outlet you need… and you will inspire others. ♥

      Like

      1. You have said it all. And I am always happy to give compliments to those well deserving. Right now, my medium is graphic art. I picked that up in my late teens, and somewhere along the way I abandoned that too. Now, I’m doing it again, and it feels great. I have some if you want to see. I house them at Bipolar Inspirations. The posts are inconsistent, I’ll admit.

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  4. Thank you for liking my blog, but mostly thank you for sharing. We live a crazy life, full of ups and downs, and it is so inspiring to hear your determination not to let the darkness overshadow you. Thank you.

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  5. I just wanted to say that you have a beautiful and inspiring blog. I have also suffered through the bi polar wilderness, and you have certainly achieved a victory through your own illness through this blog. It is evident in every word you share. Keep on keeping on and Happy writing!
    Blessings to you
    Celeste

    Like

  6. I just wanted to let you know that I added your beautiful blog to my blogroll. I wish to help you spread your message of hope and perseverance. I love your inspiring works and I know others will too.
    smiles for you
    Celeste

    Like

  7. Thank you for sharing and opening yourself to the world. Such conviction and honesty is an inspiration. I am also using my blog to write some parts of my life, though some is through fiction, other memoir. I look forward to reading your posts. Peace!

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    1. Thank you. 🙂 As for the pictures, I get them from a website that hosts pictures for free. I do not take credit for any of them except one personally taken by me…as I have zero talent for photography.
      Thank you for visiting!

      Like

  8. Hello you have had such a hard time , you must be strong you are still standing you are still writing. I saw on your comment to Martin Shone about Blue skies dreams, that you wanted to be a fairy, I love fairies. Write about them be one.
    I have been depressed and loves someone who suffers with depression . Life is hard so you escape in your writing . I always wanted to be Star ship Pilot http://willowdot21.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/to-fly-a-star-fighter/ smile often and escape as much as you dare.

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  9. Thank you so very much Willow, I am so appreciative of your comment and I do escape with writing, it is such a beautiful outlet, and smiling and laughter are great healers. 🙂 I am glad you found me and commented… as now I have your blog and very much look forward to reading.

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    1. Oh Wow!!! Thank you so very much!! I am so excited and honored. 🙂 Your compliment has touched me deeply. I thank you for your kindness and the wonderful award. 🙂 I have allot of work to do!

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  10. Hi Bipolarmuse! Your blog is awesome! 🙂

    I’m glad that I’m now following. 🙂

    I write poetry too. You may want to check these out: “Whirling Towards the Divinity”, “Love is the Water of Life”, and “Millions of Candles”. 🙂

    Warm regards,

    Subhan Zein

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  11. Hey Muse 🙂
    Seems like me and you could probably help eachother.
    I was mis-diagnosed as bipolar 8 years ago, but have been re assessed, tested, poked and proded into a diagnosis of BPD, anti-social and generalized anxiety.

    I just started writting a blog about exploring mental unhealth, and I enjoy reading and helping other people throught support (when I’m feeling well :P)

    so I just wanted to introduce myself to you, and let you know that I enjoyed reading your posts, and learnign about you
    -Holly – Borderbetween.wordpress

    Like

  12. Hey Holly! Glad you stopped by for a read. We can definitely help each other. 🙂
    Mental health is such an important topic… I commend your courage to speak out. ♥
    I am going to check out your blog right now. 🙂

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  13. I feel so fortunate to have come across your blog, where you write about such painful but important matters, yet in such a poetic and mannered way. I see I’m not alone in my respect–the list of awards you’ve won as a blogger is staggering. As a therapist who’s worked with a number of clients with mood disorders, I thank you for bringing the topic to attention, so beautifully.

    Like

    1. Thank you so very much. Your comment humbles me. I find it so important to speak publicly of my own trials with mental illness in hopes that it will give voice to others as well… to offer hope of better days to come… and for people to understand that not each day is “good” but there is a little good in every day. ♥
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

      Like

  14. Okay, so basically I’ve nominated you for the very inspiring blogger award. I know, I know, you’ve already got it proudly on display. But to be frank, I haven’t had a chance to really tell you how inspiring I find your work and your life. So this is it, the grand reveal:

    Enjoy your nomination, bipolarmuse, and- while I’m sure you know the drill, sommore information is available– both on Sirenia’s site (really she probably explains it better) and on mine.

    Shortlink’d: http://wp.me/p1CeTj-78

    Anyway, basically what I’m saying is: You are awesome. Keep being awesome whether you accept the nomination or not. ❤ It's not an order or anything, just know that I like you the way you are and award or no award, that ain't gonna change.

    <3s,
    Eris

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    1. Eris, THANK YOU!!! More than for the award. Your words of encouragement mean the world to me and I am glad that my blog touches you and that you share in my life with my poems and writings. Of coarse I accept and I will get on this today! It has been hectic… since coming home from vacation…. but I will get it done.
      Thank you for your continued support. ♥

      Like

    1. Thank you for reading. I know this disorder infiltrates every part of your life…and of those around you. My heart goes out to your nephew and his Mom. With stability comes more peace. ♥

      Like

  15. I have seen your link around for awhile, but actually came to your blog here for the first time tonight. After browsing through your archives I am pleasantly amazed by your depth and talent, and there is so much I want to say to you about your dreams, your mood swings, your undying love and loyalty for your children…Perhaps I will more one day. For now I just want to send blessings and let you know how much your journey has touched me…

    Like

    1. Thank you so very much. Your words truly touch my heart. When I began this blog, it was a place to vent and write poetry but it has evolved into so much more than that. To share my journey with others is an honor and I am moved when I get wonderful messages like your because it reaffirms that I am on the right path. Thank you for sending blessings my way. ♥ ((hugs))

      Like

  16. Hi bipolarmuse 🙂

    I hope you are well?

    I heard from Jill (magicallymad) over at Not Quite Dead and she felt (and I certainly agree) that you would make and excellent member of the Mental Health Writers’ Guild. http://mentalhealthwritersguild.wordpress.com . It really would be good to have you as a member of the guild so I would like to invite you to check us out and consider joining us.

    I am not sure (the old mind isn’t working too great today) if we have spoken about this before but perhaps you could let me know how you feel about it.

    Kind Regards.

    Kevin.

    Like

    1. I would be honored to be a member of the guild! I have seen it on other blogs and wondered what it is about. I am going to go read more, it has so much wonderful information. 🙂
      Thank you for inviting me Kevin, I truly am happy to be considered. ♥

      Like

  17. Hi again 🙂

    I am delighted you have decided to join our little band of bloggers 🙂

    I have today added your blog to the list of members on our Guild Members Page http://mentalhealthwritersguild.wordpress.com/guild-members/ and youare now perfectly entitled to display the Guild Member’s Log (featured on that page) on your blog should you so wish.

    Additionally we run competitions ofr Guild Memebers every now and then (Heads Up – I will be announcing a new competition in the next few days) and also as a Guild Memebr can award the Guild’s ‘Warrior Child Award’ http://mentalhealthwritersguild.wordpress.com/the-warrior-child-award/ to any blogger (regardless of whether they themselves are a Guild Member or not) who inspires you and who you feel ‘has demonstrated in their writing both the ability to be as strong, determined or brave as a warrior whilst at the same time also showing that they too are as vulnerable as a child.’

    Again – really pleased to welcome you and your blog into membership and I hope you will get a lot out of your membership,

    Kind Regards

    Kevin

    Like

    1. Thank you so very much Kevin. I am very honored to be able to participate in this and I will happily display the Guild members log.
      Again, I appreciate you considering me for this wonderful honor. ♥

      Like

    1. I’ve lost brain cells… haha… I visted your page earlier. Your name didn’t register because “A spoon full of Suga” was on the brain.
      Nice to have met you.. 🙂

      Like

  18. I JUST CAME OVER TO GIVE YOU A HUG ……..
    🙂 🙂 🙂 XX
    NEVER FORGET HOW AMAZING YOU ARE ……….
    PLEASEEEEE ………….. XOXOXO
    I HAVE RESEARCHED BP ………… SINCE MEETING YOU —– ALBEIT VIRTUAL – SINCE MEETING YOU – I HAVE BECOME MUCH MORE AWARE OF BP AND HOW SO MANY PEOPLE IN OUR WORLD ARE JUDGED – IT’S NOT FAIR RIGHT ?
    I KNOW THIS .,…..
    I HAVE SUFFERED FROM PLAIN OLD DEPRESSION – SINCE BIRTH …..LOL ……
    ON AND OFF ……. YOU KNOW ?
    UNIPOLAR …… WHATEVER PEOPLE WANNA CALL IT ./…
    I DON’T LIKE LABELS . BUT WHATEVER ….
    I THINK YOU ARE VERY BRAVE AND I REAL ALL YOUR POSTS ….
    SOMETIMES YOUR WORDS STRIKE SUCH A PAIN IN ME – THAT I CAN’T RESPOND ….
    SORRY ABOUT THAT – 😦
    I GUESS I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND GRAVITATE TO YOUR LIGHTER POSTS . BUT IN ALL REALITY ….
    THEY ALL STRIKE A CHORD WITH ME …..

    NURTURE AND NATURE AND THE WAY WE ARE MADE AND WHAT WE DO WITH THAT – WELL IT EQUALS – WHOM WE ARE ……..
    YOU CAN DELETE THIS IF YOU WANT ! BUT JUST WANTED TO SAY – ….
    THAT I AM PROUD TO BE ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU XO

    LOVE AND GINORMOUS RESPECT AND HUGS
    XX
    C

    Like

    1. Thank you Cat…. of course I will not delete this comment. You opinion and the way you speak your heart means very much to me. ♥
      I will gravitate toward lighter posts… sometimes it is hard to do, especially when going through struggles. But that light is there and it is growing.
      Much love to you my friend…xoxo

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      1. NO NO MY SWEET ——— I WAS SAYING TO YOU THAT I TRY TO GRAVITATE TOWARDS YOUR LIGHTER POSTS – !
        DON’T CHANGE A THING 🙂
        I WAS SAYING THAT I READ EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND SOMETIMES GET VERY CHOKED UP …… BUT IT’S BECAUSE I FEEL A TON FOR WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH- HAVE GONE THROUGH AND I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU ……..
        THROUGH THE LIGHT THROUGH THE DARK THROUGH IT ALLL …….
        YOU ARE A BRAVE WOMAN ………..
        YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND I KNOW NO ONE CAN WAVE A MAGIC WAND AND MAKE YOU HAPPY ALL THE TIME ….
        THAT IS HUMANLY IMPOSSIBLE ………
        OR ELSE WE WOULD BE ROBOTS !!!!! LOL
        I JUST WANTED YOU TO WRITE YOU A LITTLE LOVE LETTER TO SAY ……
        WELL – WOW ……:)
        AND KNOW I EVEN IF I DON’T WRITE SOMETHING DOWN I AM ALWAYS ON THAT JOURNEY WITH YOU ………
        THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO
        THEY WATCH OVER ONE ANOTHER –
        EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT IN THE SAME COUNTRY ….
        IT DOESN’T MATTER –
        IT’S THE HEART THAT COUNTS ….
        XOXOXOXO

        Like

    1. Thank you so much Jennifer…Your kind words mean so very much to me and not only touch me as a poet but also touch me on a very personal level. Your words help to affirm that I am on the right path…
      Thank you for the award nomination and for your beautiful words. You made my day today. 😀

      Like

      1. your poetry reflects from the inside of you. it is powerful, deep and honest. i love the way life brings to us what we need. your presence in my life is a good thing and i feel your effects on me are meant to & do have a great influence. keep on creating & being who you are. you are headed in the right direction. take care. go easy. jen

        Like

  19. You figure among the six folk who “comment” most regularly on “Ben Naga”. Here’s a small thank you for taking the time to write to me there.

    For any of you who like to take part in the exchanging of Awards, check out the post “Chits For Chatting” (https://bennaga.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/chits-for-chatting/).

    For those who don’t, simply allow yourself to experience a momentary warm glow in the knowledge that your efforts in writing so many interesting comments were much appreciated.

    Like

  20. Muse, I think I adore you! First, a John Lennon quote? Perfect! I also consider my life experiences to be somewhere in the middle. I am sorry to read you’ve been through some truly difficult things in life, but this journal blog is such a great way to get it out of your system-my inspiration too. I started writing poetry at 14 and found it to be cathartic. You’ve inspired me to consider posting some of my own writings, I’ve never really shared them, so, baby steps.

    Like

    1. This blog is a great way to get all the darkness out… it has been very therapeutic for me.
      You definitely should post some of your own writings! I love it… it is my passion to write poems.
      Thank you for reading and commenting. ♥

      Like

      1. hope you enjoy the questions. i wrote 1a, 2a, 3a, it’s a game that mu s/o and i like to play. it was fun doing this. loved you most recent poem. read it a few hours ago. the flying or falling angel. quite good. jen

        Like

    1. I have been so busy! I need to check my email really bad and will do that today. I know you are very busy… as am I but in a different way. LOL. Creating childrens books sounds amazing! Can’t wait to hear about it. Thank you for the award too… always makes my day. ♥

      Like

  21. Thanks for sharing ;0) I’m Bipolar I with ADD and generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder though I think the Bipolar I is really just the root cause for the others. It’s such a beast to deal with alone, that it gives me hope too, that someone out there might be listening and like, CARE. It seems so silly to have to verbalize it, but I know and I’d imagine you’ve experienced it to some extent, that it’s just so hard for people who have never experienced it to understand. If I can ever be of any assistance, please don’t hesitate to ask. Just FYI, I think it’s all in ways applicable, but the “Kyrielle Adelshine” section on the left side of my blog http://thecultivationofbeauty.wordpress.com/category/kyrielle-adelshine/ is specifically related to bipolar issues. In case you’re ever interested and waiting in the line at the grocery store ;0) Hope your day is going well. Sincerely…

    Like

    1. Thank you for following and sharing your own mental health issues. I originally started this blog to just release the crazy thoughts and darkness that I was in for such a long time. I know what you mean about people truly not understanding what it is we go through. I vowed to not live in silence any longer and then bipolarmuse was born. I will definitely will check out your blog. 🙂

      Like

  22. Your blog is amazing both in writing and visually. Was wondering if you had done any articles on Canadian Pharmacies. Looking for a cheap and reliable source for medications since my insurance is running out. I appreciate your time and any knowledge you may share.

    Thanks EJ

    Like

    1. Hi EJ… thank you for reading, and the wonderful compliments! I have not done a post about Canadian Pharmacies but I am thinking that I should research and do a post about it…. as well as one for here in the states. I know here we can find resources that either pay for your meds or help you on a sliding scale fee. Have you looked into any local resources that could be of help?

      Like

  23. Yes, I have been looking into a number of resources. My sister; who is a drug rep., turned me on to pparx.org which is a central website for patient assistant programs. I have also been looking into the manufactures directly. I will still have some meds not covered so I was looking to buy those in Canada. I was hoping somebody perhaps had found a reliable source. Thanks for your follow up.

    Like

    1. I live in England. We have a free National Health Service here (when one is working one pays National Insurance contributions). I get my medicines free because I receive sickness benefits but people who work have to pay for their prescriptions. However the prescriptions do not cost as much as the medicines themselves in a lot of cases. Therefore I think I take it for granted that I can take meds every day to manage my bipolar. It is one thing I don’t have to worry about so I cannot imagine how hard it is for people who do have that concern.

      Like

      1. It has been a battle!! Starting at the beginning of the year, the President implemented the Universal Healthcare here so it will be interesting to see how differently things will be now that everyone will have some sort of coverage. Since my medicare kicked in, it has been wonderful!! I am so ecstatic that all my meds now cost me only 20$ and not hundreds. 🙂

        Like

  24. Hi! Congratulations,

    I, Jennifer Kiley aka ‘Jk the secret keeper’ want to nominate you for the Most Influential Blogger Award. I feel your blog is creative, inspiring & insightful that it deserves to be recognized by giving you this special Award. If you would like to take a look to accept it, here’s the link: http://thesecretkeeper.net/2013/12/10/nomination-most-influential-blogger-award/

    Jk 😀 ps. Your Facebook Page is great.

    Liked by 1 person

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A Poetic Memoir Of My Journey Through Life

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