2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 64,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Try Looking At It Through My Eyes~ Day 7

Day Seven – “The Day Out” – If you could be taken any place fairly local for a day, where would choose, who would choose to go with, what would you like to do and why those choices?

I would choose to go out into the desert and practice shooting my mans guns… and with my man. I know that doesn’t sound like much fun but I love to practice my aim and it feels good to just be out in nature. Plus, learning to shoot his weapons helps me to feel like I am better equipped to protect myself and my children. There is something empowering and a sense of safety that comes with being properly educated about weapons and how to shoot them in the event you need them. I hope to God that I would never need to use them, but if I did, I would be prepared. Aside from that, I get all excited when I hit my targets.  🙂

Try Looking At It Through My Eyes ~ Day 6

Day Six – “The Support Group”  If you could start a support group specific to your mental illness what would it do, what activities, what purpose etc and what would you call it?

I would teach mindful based skills like Dialectical Behavior Therapy to teach others with these mental conditions how to cope with their emotions. I would give them material to read up on  when at home and have them create an “action plan” in the event they are not coping well. I would also give them exercises to practice at home, keeping the mindfulness present at all times.

Recovery From Manic Depression ~ Patty Duke Quote

My recovery from manic depression has been an evolution, not a sudden miracle. – PATTY DUKE


When we suffer from mood disorders such as manic depression (aka Bipolar disorder) we want instant results from the hell in our brains. We want it NOW because the hell we live in is brutal to mind and body. Not to mention the high risk of suicide, but also the damage it does to us physically. We are at higher risks for many health ailments (high blood pressure being one), and have a shortened life span.

“Heart disease was the leading cause of death for each group.  After statistical adjustments were made for gender, race, education and marital  status, the greatest differences in cause of death between the two groups were seen in suicide, cancer, accidents, liver disease, and septicemia.” Psych Central

 In recent studies, those with chronic mental health issues (like Bipolar, Schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety) have reduced life span by approximately 6 years, permitting that the individual doesn’t take their own life.

Everything takes time whether  it is healing from physical pain, emotional pain, or practicing coping skills. It certainly does not happen over night.

So keep up the good fight my friends, and know that this life is like an adventure… it will take time to recover from Bipolar disorder, but it is worth the ride when you come out of the darkness.

Free And Whole


Holding on to grains of sand,

unable to contain them all…

Every word spoken,

razorblades slip and fall.


I no longer look back,

the ache no longer fierce …

No longer looking for whats not there,

He has kissed away my tears.


Where I once had pain,

I now feel free and whole…

He makes my world brilliant,

My heart he graciously stole.

© bipolarmuse 2012


Try Looking Through My Eyes~ Day 5

Day Five “Younger Self”  Write a letter to your younger self telling them the things you think they will need to know about when they are diagnosed with your condition.

Dear Muse, everything you will experience is temporary and able to be worked through. Please don’t be frightened at whatever dx they give you, instead, embrace it and find a positive outlook, and perhaps in turn, you can offer help and show others that they are not alone. There is no sense to sulk or being even more depressed, instead, hold your head up and proudly explain your disorder and then follow through with your actions proving that you are a improving daily. ♥

Mood Regulation

Though I have been studying my DBT (mindfulness) workbook I still notice flip flops in my moods. I do use the skill that it is teaching me, but there are times when it just won’t work. I know that I am making progress though and with continued effort, the moods will not flip flop because of a trigger.

To give you and example… I had to drive to a certain side of town and it made me instantly sick physically and mentally. Why? Because that is where I lived when my son was abuse and it brought back horrid memories that I DO NOT want entering my head. I have been over in that area a couple time and it never fails. It is like a like a light switch… my moods will go from great to lethargic and on the verge of tears. Not to mention that my Man can notice something is wrong as well. It is quite disturbing and something I will have to live with for the rest of my life…but will it always be so terribly raw? I hate feeling like I am on a mood seesaw simply because I have gone to that ares of time. I need to take my life back and get rid of that train of thought.

In the meantime, I will continue working in my workbook and put the skills to use.

Quote By H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.”  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I can certainly relate to this quote…  my mans happiness is my primary focus, it is very important to me.

In the past, I was quite the bitch towards men that I dated. Everything was about me and I was all authority. I would walk all over them and never showed any affection. This man has shown me was true love is… It is no longer about me, I get to simply be a woman while he takes care of everything else. His happiness is my happiness.

My love for him will never falter… it will always continue to grow in strength.

Try Looking At It Through My Eyes~ Day 4

Day Four –  “The Trade Off” – You walk into a fun fair or state fair and see a small tent entitled “The Trade Off”.  Curious you go and look at the writing under the sign only to learn that for 1 dollar, euro or pound, you get to take a pill which will allow you to trade your mental health condition for another mental condition of your choosing for a whole week.  The only rules are that you have to trade one for one and there are no returns until the end of that week.  Would you do it, what would you choose and why?

I would not change my disorder for another… I can’t imagine one that would not come with its own set of problems and since I am already familiar with my mental health disorders, I will keep them.

Holy Moley! And How I Know It’s Nearly Xmas

Holy Moley!!! I woke up to FREEZING temperatures and was nearly a muse’sicle’. Being from the desert certainly does not help me in this cold weather situation. Imagine being use to 110 Fahrenheit and now that it is winter we are hitting the 20’s (yes, that is fahrenheit as well.) F*CK that is cold… there’s ice on the ground! I guess I shouldn’t wine too much (and yes, I meant the beverage type of “wine”, hehe), up till now, it has been spring like with the temp in the easy 60’s and it’s nearly January… So I will put my big girl panties on and shut up.

On a side note…

sea monkeys

I know it is nearly Xmas because this is the time of year to buy Sea Monkeys as gifts right?? LOL, I am thinking so because my post Funky Monday Sea Monkeys has been quite popular the last few weeks or so, getting several hits a day from random googlers.

Funny and Fun?? I think so…

Try Looking At It Through My Eyes~ Day 3

Day Three –  “The miracle Button” – If I offered you a miracle button which when pressed would instantly take away your mental health issues – would you press it or not?  And why?

Ohhhhh, wow. The miracle button question. I am use to the “miracle pill” debate which I am a supporter of. LOL. But a miracle button…hmmmmmm. I would have to say YES to this. My reason?? Many of my choices in life, with dire consequences, were made in the throes of my disorder out of check. I made decisions when I should have been ignored and hospitalized. Had these certain decisions not been made, certain life events would not have taken place (ie, my sons abuse). I have to say that if I could have a miracle button that would remove my mental health issues, I would certainly use it and have saved a-lot of heartache for many people, myself included.

Blog Of The Year 2012

I want to thank The Secret Keeper for thinking of me and nominating Bipolarmuse for the Blog Of The Year 2012 award. I am always so grateful and humbled when someone nominates me for an award and even more so for an award of this caliber. I strive to put my best foot forward and to share my life openly and honestly as someone living with mental disorders, and when that is recognized, I am happy that my efforts have been recognized… it is a lovely perk.  🙂 So thank you Jen for thinking of me and for your continued support and encouragement. You have always been on the side lines cheering for me and I will always remember that. ♥