To Be In Love

I have been neglecting my blog and neglecting the blogs of those I follow, and I feel lousy about it… so please accept my apologies and know that I think of MANY of you on a daily basis. A time will come when I will be able to free up some of my time to do more here. For now, I am enjoying being madly in love. A love unlike anything I have known nor will ever know again if I lost it.

They always say… when you find the “ONE”, you know it. I have been schooled. He is everything I could ever want in a man, lover, and best friend.

And my silly pop song to represent…

Burn Off This Fire

Slap me, squeeze me, burn off this fire

Tease me, please me, feed my desire.

Grasp my hair, pull it back…

Hold my neck in the grip of your hand


Slap me, squeeze me, burn off this fire

Tie my hands up….tighter and tighter

Use your tongue to cover every inch

Take me roughly…save the kiss


Slap me, squeeze me, burn off this fire…

Feel my flesh, take me higher

Make me naughty, make me bad…

Hurt me…love me… slap my ass…


Slap me, squeeze me, burn off this fire…

Use me, abuse me, quench your desires.

© bipolarmuse 2012

Mindfulness and DBT Exciting??


After much thought and talking things through with my wonderful man… we have devised a plan to safely help me to go off of my medication… not soon, but in about 9 months from now when we hit our 1 yr anniversary. (And yes, I have complete faith that he and I will have MANY anniversaries to come.)

Why wait that long?? Well, for one, to get more time with stability under my belt. You all have been on part of this journey with me and have watched the transformation with your own eyes… it is only smart to get some more time stable before making any changes. This is not only healthy but will help prevent this from being a spontaneous act that wasn’t thought through. Also, I will do it under physicians care that way I can be monitored and in the event things do not go as planned, I can always get back on my medication. One of the most important reasons for waiting though is so that my man and I have a stronger foundation as a couple before we rattle things up. He is very supportive though and actually came up with the idea to wait it out a little while before I attempt to go med free.

In my excitement over this, I have ordered 2 books to help me prepare these next 9 months. DBT and mindfulness have proven to be successful at treating emotional disorders. DBT is the most successful form of therapy for treating Borderline Personality Disorder (which I have) and has proven to work for Bipolar Disorder as well (which, of course, is my primary diagnosis).

DBT uses Four Skill Modules: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness (PsychCentral).

The 2 books that I am so eagerly awaiting are:

Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness

Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness
by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
by Matthew McKay

Both of these books will take much effort and determination for me to “work” through, (workbook style), but I plan on using them to the fullest for the rest of my life to aid in my goal of being medication free.

I am beyond excited to get these books and begin this new adventure in my life. I have full confidence that with proper support, training, and guidance, that I will be successful. I don’t want to be unrealistic though…so I am fully aware that if I must, then I will most certainly be on meds to be healthy mentally rather than to live with the alternative. I have a wonderful man who will be able to help me keep a mood journal and will help to recognize when things have become “off”.

So, as the next 9 months pass and I am completing these workbooks, I will share my journey with you. Then I will continue to share my new journey without medication and using DBT and mindfulness to live a healthy, emotionally intelligent life. I will share my success and my failures… but know that either is success.  ♥

I Live In A Universe

My love incarnate, my everything…

The woman of my dreams.

In a universe where dreams come true… You are there.

In a universe where dreams come true… you are there looking up at me with your oceanics.

I feel a tsunami of foreign emotions that threaten to drown my heart and wash me away in a torrent of you.

The sparkle of your face flirting with the fire in your hair… Only tend to give these runaway emotions a life and strength of their own.

 I’ll take all these feral emotions of new…

They are not to really be feared, for they are brought on by you, by all the love, and living as my everything you have shown to be.

I live in a universe where dreams come true…unconditional love I know to be true, that I feel flowing from you.

I live in that universe where dreams do come true.

That universe is here my love… where I live with you.

You truly do give me… and are my everything.

I love you more than anything.

I love you baby.

© bipolarmuse 2012

** Another beautiful love letter from the man of my dreams. Without even trying, he is a romantic poet to be admired.**

Be Alive!! ~ Howard Thurman Quote

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman quotes

Beautifully said! How many of us get to truly do what they love…whether it be in the work place, hobbies, volunteer work…  or day to day activities.

We shouldn’t ask what the world needs of us but what we need to do to be ALIVE… because to truly feel alive brings along great potential for the change that we need to see in ourselves, the world around us, and not to mention the fact that others will be touched by your energy and be compelled to bask in its warmth. It will bring about change in itself. To be alive is to thrive.

I don’t simply want to exist, I want to feel the energy of this life force, I want to feel charged with life…to thrive. I have learned to do this… especially as of late. I feel more alive now than I ever have, and others can see the difference. They see the difference in my smile, my composure, my infectious happiness, the stars that shine in my eyes… they feel the change in me.

Work hard to be alive my friends. We have this life for a short while… isn’t it worth living and thriving??

Bipolar Disorder and Balance

Bipolar Disorder and balance go hand in hand when it comes to maintaining this disorder with minimal episodes.

Balance can be as simple as staying on a regular sleep pattern. Sounds simple right?? Not so much. Imagine becoming enthralled in something that disturbs your normal sleep pattern… whether it be going out, watching a late movie, getting wrapped up in a good book, or even your lover keeping you up. One day leads to the next and before you even realize it… you have not slept properly for 3-4 days and you are swinging into a manic episode. Balance is KEY. It is very important in every aspect… work and home, relationships, spirituality, family life… every aspect of your life must be balanced out to help maintain a healthy relationship with this disorder.

I have been working very hard on maintaining balance in my life. I have began a serious exercise regimen rotating between 4-5 days of walking on a treadmill, Pilates, simple weight training…and I am adding Yoga into that mix this week. Not only has exercise proven to be a serious mood booster, but I am learning the importance of a healthy diet. Since beginning these two changes, I have noticed an improvement in my overall mood and energy levels….and for course, weight loss.

My ~forever boyfriend~ has helped me to come up with a schedule with things allotted for certain times of the day. This will help me to accomplish all that I want to do (like blogging), and still give me time at the end of my day for miscellaneous things. If the plan has to be broken at some point, I don’t have a melt down… I just continue on. No biggie. Once I reach my “free time” part of the plan, I can always catch up on things I miss. No sweat… I got this. ♥

I will keep you posted on how this goes. If it works well for me, you will see more of me in blog”land” and know that the schedule is working wonders. Schedules are good for my brain… and they sure help with time management.  😀

**Just a disclaimer. I am NOT manic… nor depressed. All is right with the world for me and I am very happy!