“Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it, an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide.” ~ Kay Redfield Jamison
What I despise about Manic-depression (Bipolar disorder) is the way it distorts every part of who you are. I cannot count on my hands how many times people have told me “you seem so happy” when I have a raging storm inside my head. Gratefully that storm has passed but I do not underestimate the power it holds.
It holds me hostage without any way to pay a ransom. It invades my mind, my heart, and makes me lose all logic.
I know that those of you who live with a mood disorder… you know exactly what I mean.
Depression steals every good emotion and leaves you with the bad… and you get to the point where your mind attempts to destroy you and everything you have fought for… you believe you are invisable.
And then its best friend mania kicks in, and yes, it feels like a drug… feels amazing. The need for sleep vanishes, you become more daring, become a social butterfly… the world fits in the palm of my hand… it revolves around me.
Then it stumbles, it is faulty, and the downward slide into excruciating depression is in motion.
The vicious cycle… the one I have broken… it may rear its ugly head from time to time but it no longer controls me… I am not at its mercy.
Stupid Bipolar… you almost got me… now I am winning.