Here On Earth With Me ~ Blackout Poem

Imagine being away from you.

Excruciating, painful.

I will take all that I can get.

Similar souls…

Under the dark sky,

In awe with you.

My love growing, untamed.

Under the shimmering stars…melt together.

Adoration…

Fallen for you.

Tears in my eyes,

I want you happy.

I love

thinking

more about you than I thought

was possible.

I love you

unconditionally.

Grace.

Wonderfully perfect.

Spoil me.

Your “everything”…

Love incarnate…

makes me ache.

Makes me fucking melt.

Beautiful view…

riding…

Palms to palms… hard embrace…

fingers intertwined and locked.

Look up at the stars and moon…

realize heaven does not exist in the celestial body

but here on earth…

with me.

Will never let you go.

© bipolarmuse 2012

** Blackout poem taken from letters written back and forth between myself and a wonderfully amazing man that has shown me a whole new world.**

Lost In You

Shadows on your skin…

I watch you

as you watch me.

The light from the tv,

brightens and darkens

the room

yet I never lose sight of you.

Your eyes, they hold mine.

I bite my lip, yours hold a smile.

I could go on like this…

travel miles and miles.

Your warm skin, pressed firmly

to mine.

Lets get lost…

Let us stop time.

Kisses, tender and sweet…

one, two, 20 more.

My heart pounds for what’s

in store.

You speak, I melt.

You command, I listen,

I do…

but only for you.

Palm to palm…

fingers intertwined

Fingers locked.

Every moment, of every day…

I could tangle up

and get lost in you.

and I do…

In every way.

 Tangled up

lost in you

Only you

© bipolarmuse 2012

Explore, Dream, Discover ~ Mark Twain Quote

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain quote

This quote is well known… and rightfully so.

Lately, with all the twists and turns my life has taken, one thing that frequently comes to mind is that when I die, I want to be able to say that I truly “lived”. I don’t want to feel like I have wasted my life… it is a gift to be able to live and be truly living.

Even in simple things, I like to feel life… to make myself aware of the energy all around me and buzzing through me. No, in this moment, mania is not the cause. 😉 I love how I feel, I love the changes that have taken place within me, I love that I love life.

Is life without pain? No. Everyday I endure a little pain without my babies, but I remind myself that they are happy, healthy, and full of unconditional love for me…and beautifully, I have reached a point where I can say the same about myself… I too am happy, healthy, and full of love.

Enjoy life my friends. Take risks you may not normally take. Do things that make you feel like you are living and thriving. Don’t allow time to be the enemy… do things now…

Even in the simple things, live. Feel the sun shining… the breeze against your skin… smile… and laugh. Laugh often. We have one life.

How bout Some Bubble Gum Pop

I have this little addiction to bubble gum pop music and this song has been on my favs list since I first heard it.

No, it is not “Call Me Maybe”, though that tune is quite catchy when I am at the roller rink or ice skating rink…

This song is by Cher Lloyd… called Want U Back.

Nothin’ wrong with a little bubble gum pop from time to time…and hey, at least this time it isn’t Bieber. Bahahaha

Strong Person Award

I want to thank Marci, Mm172001’s Blog, for nominating me for this award. Not only is it an honor to be thought of for these things but it also spreads a good message. Mental health is very important and it needs to be looked upon without sneers, fear, and side way glances. It is a real crisis that needs more attention and less stigmatism. Please check out Marci’s blog. She does many posts about mental health but has also began to evolve in her writings and adding more to it.

 

You heard me right! You are not weak, you are strong. You are not a failure, you are a fighter! This goes out to all mentalists. And it’s a gift from me (The Quiet Borderline) to you all – Please spread the love. Mental health is not something to be sneered at and it deserves much more respect. Stop the stigmatising. (I know that some of you that I have linked to at the bottom are not ‘mentalists’. You have just great blogs, so I wanted to award you as a strong person!)

So, this is a little something different than usual, lets start with the rules.

1. Make sure to add in the above text and image (below) to spread the love and add how little or how much you want!
2. Name your diagnoses – Stand loud and proud! You can tell us a little about them also if you’d like. How you’re affected by these diagnoses and how you are fighting your way out of them.
3. Add a photo of yourself, or some abstract picture that represents you, anything you like!
4. Send this on to as many, yes, as many, people that you like. It can be five, ten, fifty.

*I am diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder- A little info about bipolar, a little something I wrote while manic… Tingles. From a sensory point of view.

I have been on so many meds for this that it isn’t even funny. I have been on wellbutrin, serzone, celexa, lexapro, depakote, zoloft, trazedone, ambien, lunesta, lithium, respiridone, tegretol, Buspar, and now I am currently on Lamictal, Haldol, and Klonopin.

* I am also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder… Borderline Personality Disorder Criteria and Me. This one is where therapy comes in the most (in particular DBT). My therapist said that our brains are wired to react a certain way to events… for regular Jane or Jon Doe, they can keep their emotions within a small range when dealing with emotions. Those with BPD cannot stay within those normal limits and surpass the cut off… that is why we have a hard time regulating our moods. But through lifelong therapy, we can retrain our brains to react within “normal” limits. Therapy has been a Godsend for me when it comes to this.

* Also diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)… this one pretty much explains itself.

These disorder affect my life greatly. I have to consider them in every decision that I must make… and I have to make the decision slowly to ensure that I am not making it while in the throes of an episode. It also affects my love life. I have to let the person I am dating know about it… have to make sure he is aware and explain certain things so that it is not a surprise or something to be kept “secret”. I was in denial long enough… I refuse to go back to that.

Everyday I fight. I wake up hating to swallow pills every single day, but I do it because I know that it is what I must do to remain mentally and physically healthy. I have also begun incorporating some exercise, and eating better, (at the suggestion of someone amazing)… to help my body help my brain. I won’t ever give up… I can’t.

Me… with my new luscious raspberry hair. ♥

There’s so many I would like to pass this on to… with how hectic life has been, I will pick a few that come off the top of my head.

 Stronghold

 Mortal Hearts With Immortal Souls

Letters To Dom

alltheavenueslookugly

Seasons Change and so have I