A Lovely Week

I have been MIA for a short time having a great time playing tourist and chillaxin with the big kids.
We have been having a blast! I wanted to assure those who have messaged or emailed me that all is good and I will be doing major damage control on my blog after this weekend. 🙂
So you may ask “what does one do in Las Vegas early on Saturday morning˝… not long ago,  this was my normal time for stumbling in… haha. Today I am sitting in a lovely Viagra shirt loaned to me by my daughter…sippin juice…and listening to Boyfriend by Justin Bieber. DON’T JUDGE ME. Hahaha!
Hope you all have as lovely of a weekend as me.

Lets have a good laugh!

Ok, so maybe not a good laugh but a nice quote and a funny picture.

I have this on my person facebook page as one of my positive affirmations. When I was struggling, at my worst with my disorder and the way my life crumbled around me due to my own stupidity, I would cling to any source of inspiration and hope. I hope it offers you a smile as well….

Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.’ Esther Abraham-Hicks

Another Time and Place

Another Time and Place

In  another time and place, another world…

I could remain a “constant”…

Instead I move at a quick pace,

At lightening speeds I attempt to run…

A runner I have been, a runner I have become.

Somewhere in this universe…

Perhaps there is another “me”.

One of confidence, of trust,

Full of glorious love.

One not lacking in stability.

Maybe in some dimension in space,

I realize that who I am, in the here and now,

Is who I am to be, with head held high…

Moving forward in growth, growing in life.

In this space: yesterday, today, tomorrow, I embrace.

© bipolarmuse 2012

Today is Amazing!

Sleep has been eluding me and I am sure it is med related. So either my body is adjusting to the new dose OR it is a bit of hypo-mania sneaking in. I still cannot tell but it “feels” more like hypo-mania because of the “tingling” sensations so common for me as I get closer to mania, and while in a state of mania.

But I must say I have been feeling GOOD! I have been full of jokes and laughing allot. I laughed so hard yesterday I had tears… and that has been rare. I can think of one blog post that has done that to me lately and other than that, no tears while laughing my arse off. Even better is that the “laughs and smiles” are random. They are not forced by watching or reading something… I catch myself with a little smile as I do my walking outside and I have MISSED that. I truly thought it was gone forever so I am happy that it is coming back to me.

Maybe this med dose will do the trick. At this point, I am not trying to get completely med free…just “feel” more. I am tired of feeling nothing… of lacking desire for everything… to do anything.

I must admit I feel like an old person because I bought my first pill splitter. I finally broke down and got one. Knives are not cutting it anymore and with my clumsy self, I would end up chopping a finger off eventually. HAHAHA

One thing I have learned about life is to take everything in stride. Today I am slapping stupid bipolar in the face instead of the other way around. Today is an AMAZING day. ♥

Jimmy Dean Quote

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination”. ~ Jimmy Dean

No matter what life throws at us, we are able to adapt and overcome whatever obstacle comes our way. It all will depend on how we “think”… our though process. No matter what road we take, each can lead to where we want to be. Never lose sight of your goals, even the most simple ones.

My goal daily is to wake up and say “Today is a beautiful day”, it is a small goal, yes. However, when I do this whether I “believe” it or not, just the verbal affirmation will help positivity trickle in.

Never lose hope… when needed, change direction. Never stop moving forward and growing. Hope is around every corner. ♥

This Fire Inside

This Fire Inside

This fire inside…bursting, tingling, burning…

Through every inch of me.

Each vein pumped with your sweet, licking flames.

Fervency tickling, enticing,

My fickle brain.

This fire inside… has not been irrecoverable…

Oh how I have missed you so.

Your lovely intoxicating sting,

Feverishly you flow…

Back to life, I feel passionately.

This fire inside… I have loved for so long…

Now singing notes of a missing song.

Your intensity, I loved from the start.

Evoking passion, your white heat is not wrong.

This fire inside, the beat of my heart.

© bipolarmuse 2012

Naughty, Naughty…Silly Meds!

It is perfectly fine to hope and dream…and to wish.

So, lately I have had a surge of wonderful energy… energy that I have been missing for almost a year now and I believe I know why.

I will share my naughty secret but please do not judge me…. I cut my med dosage in half not very long ago and I can feel life trickling back into my veins. I know… naughty, naughty, tisk, tisk, slap, slap… for being my own Doc and lessening my dosage. In the last couple days I have joined a gym worked out at the gym and at home and I feel like my bubbly, silly humor is creeping back into this numb brain.

Am I on the way to hypo-mania?? Or is this simply the wonderful balance of meds combined with feeling good about myself for feeling hopeful and inspired?? I do not know the answer yet, but I am sure the truth will come out very soon.

Naughty pills dulling my head. I want to feel SOMETHING… not just the everyday living of life. I want loud ridiculous laughs, my silly mannerisms, ecstatic happy moments, and yes… even those down moods. I just don’t want them in their severity.

Right now I am feeling A-OK and I will continue on this path. It is perfectly fine to hope and dream…and to wish.

If a readjustment is needed, I am not afraid to do so. ♥