Magical Puppeteer

Magical Puppeteer

The old, the present, the new…

Each capable of bringing the blues…

To muse.

We all have a private place.

To hide. To BE. To pray…

To leave behind the race.

The shadows, keep me company,

Much like the light of the moon, reflecting,

Its gentle beam upon me.

I no longer have a belief…

Like a fool, I can stand on my own two feet.

No, hope is not lost. Just have a need…

To hold on, and to use the Puppeteer.

One pill, Two pills, Three pills more.

My pride takes a plunge to the floor.

As I fight for so much more.

So I use the Puppeteer,

No Fear.

Just the magical Puppeteer.

© bipolarmuse 2012

The Sunshine Award

I cannot begin to describe how happy I am that my blog is touching others in such a beautiful, positive way. I would never have guessed that it would to the extent it has. Every time I get an award, I am so very humbled and full of joy that I was thought of for this blessing from other beautiful writers/blogs/poets.

I would love to give a warm Thank you to Sirenia- My Own Avalon. A wonderful poet, beautiful blog, and we share something in which I just found out recently… had I read her “about” page I would have known and remembered (shame on me). I am so honored that you thought of me for this award. ♥

Now on to the award duties that call. 🙂

First step:
Thank the person that nominated you and in my case this is Sirenia- My own Avalon. I so much enjoy the beauty of her words and her blog. She writes amazing poetry with a style I would love to emulate.

Second step:
Share some tibits about yourself. I will try HARD not to repeat myself… 😉

Favorite colour:
So, so, many! Red wine, Silver, Pink glitter, Dark purple, Spanish red, China Blue. (I use to work at lowes, a lil familar with paint).

Favourite animal:
My second favorite would be a polar bear. They are so amazing to watch swim under water.

Favourite number:
13 is my second favorite. I know I said before that I like even numbers, but if you add them together, 1+3=4, so it evens out. LOL

Favourite Non-Alcoholic Drink:
Ice tea is second to Dr. Pepper

Facebook or Twitter:
Facebook, I am not Twitter savvy but I try.

My Passion:
Poetry, lipgloss,

Favourite day of the week:
No more Favs… they are all the same to me for the most part.

Favourite Flower:
Easter Lilies, carnations, the little ones my son picked for me at the park ♥

I will pass the Sunshine Award on to the following blogs:

‘Nessa (Bluesander) – A wonderful writer, and a sister to my heart. I go back to her blog over and over. Her poetry is riveting.

Picnic with Ants – Such a wonderful Lady who battles many chronic illnesses and has a heart or gold. Very inspiring as she battles what life has thrown at her.

moonlightvenus – A new blog to me but I am very much enjoying the poetry, plan to visit again and again.

Happy Wednesday to you all. May this day bring you love and light♥

Oscar Wilde Quote

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Master of thyself. Isn’t that what what many Eastern religions express… Buddha comes to mind. I want to be in control of what I feel, not allow these wretched emotions to rule me. I must separate myself from these false emotions and focus on what I can help. What can I help? My outlook on life, awakening to another blessed day and realizing it is a gift and not a curse.

I know friends… those who suffer with relentless mood disorders, sometimes that is easier said than done. I do TRULY believe it can get better. With proper care and a positive outlook on our day, can we not make our lives a bit brighter each and every day? Even when in a slump, take notice of what you are appreciative of, no matter how simple it is. It is pleasure… and if that small amount of pleasure can get you through another moment, all the better.

Keep a watchful eye. Watch for what triggers your horrendous mood swings, analyze them and see if they are “valid”… if they are, accept them NON-JUDGMENTALLY, and then do not dwell. We have purpose. Every single one of us. Keep that in mind my friends. Nobody goes unnoticed. Grasp what hope you can find and do not let go. Whatever inspires you, indulge in it. Live to your fullest potential. I know that what I say can be hard for some to understand… but take hope. I have hit bottom many times and managed to get back up. My trials have been HUGE… yet I move forward, improving each and every day. If I can do it, undoubtedly you can too.

Love and Light my friends. May you have peace on this day.

Your Hidden Pieces

Your Hidden Pieces

~

Sitting in emptiness,

reminiscing of a past time.

Writing out this hurting heart.

On the floor, head bent, deploring

On paper…this fire in my mind.

~

Your scent in the air, are you here?

I glance over this room,

Play you, Gyrating, in my mind.

Books with hidden messages…

Purposely left, for me to find.

~

I scream, but there is only an echo.

No sign of you to be found.

Only your scent and presence felt,

Your hidden pieces of love everywhere…

Everywhere I look. Is this real?

~

You leave me wondering, in awe.

A year has passed, one year precisely.

Are you showing me you are near?

Fire alarms piercing through one room,

Then to another, your presence causes no fear.

~

One year, passed and gone.

Left me suffering the brutal choice…

Of your own hands. Your watch I find…

Stopped on exactly that unsavory day.

A year later, on the date… you torture my mind.

© bipolarmuse 2012

*This is written from a very real incident in 2003. My Ex committed suicide at the end of May 2002, and was buried the beginning of June. One year after the exact day of his burial, me and my best friend/ roommate were sitting at the kitchen table and she remembered what day it was and asked me how I was doing, I told her I was ok. Next thing we know, the fire alarm went off in my room, then hers, and last, her mothers room. As we ran upstairs into each room, they turned off without us doing anything to them. Then later that night, another good friend and I were watching a movie and I mentioned what happened, as soon as I did, my fire alarm went off again. I would get faint scents of his cologne and find little notes that he wrote inside the books I loved to read. One book was called “Rivers End”, and I found another note in the back of our photo album… amongst other books.

The watch incident is also true. I found the watch in his tool box and it was no longer working, stuck on the same date that he was buried. All very odd experiences… of which were shared with my roommates. I do not know what I believe about the afterlife, but it was a very different experience for me to have these things happen. *

χάος – Chaos

χάος

This is the Greek word for Chaos which I absolutely love because I enjoy Greek mythology.

~

I decided, a little more than a year ago to tattoo this on the back of my neck. Why? The definition of this is quite intriguing. First let me give you a little information of what it means in Greek Mythology. It does differ a little depending where you get your information but the meaning is still pretty much the same.

This word means  “emptiness, vast void”. To go into more detail: “In Greek cosmology, either the primeval emptiness before things came into being or the abyss of Tartarus, the underworld. In Hesiod‘s Theogony, there was first Chaos, then Gaea and Eros. The offspring of Chaos were Erebus (Darkness) and Nyx (Night). Ovid gave Chaos its modern meaning: the original formless and disordered mass from which the ordered universe is created. The early church fathers applied this interpretation to the creation story in Genesishttp://encyclopedia2.thefreedictionary.com/Chaos+%28greek+god%29

So, you may ask why I decided upon this tattoo. First, I have always felt “void”, and empty. The beauty of it is that Chaos gave birth to the universe. So for me it felt very fitting… I am Chaos, and the universe, for me, is my children.

Just thought I would share this little tidbit. There is allot of information on the internet and if you like Greek Mythology, dive right in.

Lord Byron Quote

“The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.” ~ Lord Byron

Sensation… from happiness, and also from sadness and pain. To know true happiness we must experience the hurts of life. Those hurts help to mold us and teach us into becoming who we ought to be. Sometimes we like the changes, sometimes we do not… but it never leaves out the possibility to improve and make for a better “you”, a better “me”. Sometimes a situation looks and feels so horrible, intolerable. Shed those fallible eyes my friends and look into things with a new perspective. I know that through my tribulations I have become a stronger person in search for something so much greater than myself, greater than my ego. And I believe I am on the edge of finding greatness.

We all have the power to do so. ♥

© bipolarmuse 2012

My Past…You I Release

My Past… You I release

Cut through,

a jagged knife in the side.

Unable to forget those lingering words.

Damage irreparable.

Tiptoe through shards,

Of a most broken life.

Charade of lies.

I made you “lose all hope in humanity”…

How those words echo,

reverberate…

Shake me, cut at my heart, burn away my soul.

Those simple words…

bring me to my reality.

I did not mean to run, I did not want to hide.

I only wanted relief,

of these tormenting demons.

I needed escape from my dangerous thoughts…

I gambled and lost.

Gambled with my life.

Now I rise, take hold of what I believe.

Take hold of the love,

unconditional,

Moving forward, piecing myself back together.

Held in open arms.

My past…you I release.

© bipolarmuse 2012